Gordon Brown Voted Most Likely PM Candidate to Eat Your Hamster!

GORDON BROWN VOTED MOST LIKELY PRIME MINISTERIAL CANDIDATE TO EAT YOUR HAMSTER!


As election fever grips the nation, it appears that the most pressing issue on the country’s mind isn’t immigration or spending cuts – it’s which party leader can be trusted around our small furry pets.

A poll carried out by UK online gifts retailer http://www.shinyshack.com/ to over 700 of its users confirmed the news that Gordon Brown must be dreading after last night’s final live party political debate – that voters up and down the country have seen through that gruff Scottish persona and caught a glimpse of the bloodthirsty wildman within.

The current Prime Minister topped the poll with a staggering 78% of the vote – perhaps testament to the desperation he must be feeling after this week’s ‘BigotGate’ affair. After all, many of us turn to our favourite comfort food when under stress. Self-appointed ‘man of the people’ David Cameron was voted second with 17% of the vote, whilst fast-rising pretender to the Prime Ministerial throne Nick Clegg came in at just 5% - which must be music to the ears of hopeful Lib Dems everywhere. (Source: http://www.shinyshack.com/blog.php?bid=119)

So what is it about the Labour leader that strikes fear into the hearts of tiny rodents everywhere? And considering Mr Brown’s partial sight, should Top Gear presenter Richard ‘Hamster’ Hammond be taking extra precautions when travelling near Westminster?

Unconfirmed reports of high-pitched squeaking sounds emanating from Downing Street have been circulating the political circuit for some time. Pet shop delivery vans have also been seen in the vicinity of the House of Commons, although official sources insist that this is merely coincidental and that live animals are not allowed within parliamentary offices. Is Mr Brown using his partial sight to bypass official rules and pass off any hamster found about his person as a ‘guide rodent’?

When interviewed on the poll results, members of the voting public added their insights as to why Mr Brown has proven such a clear winner in the hamster-eating stakes. “When I watched Gordon on TV the other night you could clearly see a bit of fur stuck between his teeth,” said one voter in Bristol. “It was disgusting really. That Nick Clegg looked a bit annoyed though - maybe his hamster had gone missing?”

Tamer Shafik, Managing Director of www.shinyshack.com revealed that whilst the poll results were not entirely a surprise to him, nevertheless he was astonished by the sheer scale of Brown’s runaway win. “If Mr Brown can replicate anything approaching this poll success in the General Election he’ll take the country by storm. However, it might be prudent for voters to check on their hamsters’ security arrangements on May 6th just in case the pressure of the day gets to Mr Brown.”

Freddie Starr was unavailable for comment on the www.shinyshack.com poll results, but sources close to the entertainment star understand that the Starr, who infamously made front page news of The Sun in 1986 due to his alleged ‘hamster habit’, would be open to an approach by the Labour Party to discuss a touring double-act should Mr Brown consider a change of career. Judging from the ICM opinion poll held after yesterday’s live debate, we could be seeing Starr & Brown appearing at a theatre near you soon.